Photographs copyright of Rob Finch/The Oregonian
This is a selection of still images from Living to the End. While I choose to present some here, I hope that you visit the Living to the End website to experience the full story as it was meant to be seen – with Lovelle’s video diaries. http://next.oregonianextra.com/lovelle/
Living to the End was one of the most life changing stories I’ve ever done. For nearly 3 months, I spent hours and hours video taping her while she talked about joy, fear, regrets and love. She spoke with the knowledge she only had a few months to live. I watched her go from someone who looked relatively healthy and, in her own words, “vivacious even” to tiny woman racked with pain trying to swallow a small spoonful of black beans. She debated over Oregon’s Death with Dignity law, and if she would choose to use it. She panicked about “the window” – the period in which she was still healthy enough to end her own life.
Every word that she uttered in those videos seemed to carry more weight than it would under other circumstances. Even when the video camera was off and we would talk about the little things her words had more influence. It was like she only had a limited amount of words left for this world. It was a honor for her to uses them on me. Lovelle gave me advice and scolded me for bad decisions. She encouraged me to take risks, live life and not to worry so much. It goes fast.
A few months after she received her 6 months to live diagnosis, she decided to end her own life under the Oregon law. She wanted myself and reporter Don Colburn there. After much concern about her family’s comfort with it and who could and could not be identified, she announced that she wanted us to document her death.
It was just a clear glass filled with what looked like water. But, it was actually massive overdose of barbiturates that sat next to her bed. It was poured and waiting for her. She was busy saying final goodbyes, having one last cigarette and dancing the polka. Finally, when she determined it was time, she made her way to bed. Surrounded by family and friends she answered some questions to make sure she understood what was going on and that if she drank this clear fluid that she would die. Lovelle knew.
To watch a person die is always an intense experience. Watching a person decide to end their own life elevated that intensity infinitely. Laying in her mother’s bed, surrounded by family and friends, Lovelle gulped down the drug. It took a minute or two to affect her. A dog barked outside the window. She whispered her last words to the room and feel asleep. 5 hours later she was pronounced dead.